She took three deep breaths, wiped off her tears and calmed herself. Her brain told her heart, “I told you so.” Her bruised heart lay there in her chest cavity, beating with sadness, beating with relief, beating with the strength to move on. The heart sat up, brushed off the sadness, put on a brave face, smiled and told the brain, “I am stronger than you think. It’s not the end of the world. Go learn some new facts about an ancient civilization.”
Sometimes when you are high on life and are having the best trip you’ve ever had, you get some information that will kill your buzz. I was feeling like I was at the top of the world and the universe just flicked me off and I fell at the bottom of a barrel… not just any barrel… a barrel that is used to store fish bait… the really stinky kind.
I am not going to go into details about what happened but it knocked the wind out of me. I suppose I was in denial when I heard of it the first time because I sure feel stupid right now. I know in a few months I’ll be laughing and joking about it but I needed my reaction. I needed to curse the universe. I needed to pity myself. I needed to feel like a loser. I needed to vent. So I did. I even felt ugly (which didn’t make any sense)
So now a couple of hours later, I am sad but I will be ok. I am happy to get that information and glad that it’s out there before I did something that I would regret. I had my reaction. I waved around my middle finger to the universe. And I apologized to the universe as well. Things will get better. I will start climbing so I can be at the top of the world again. For now, I just want to be comfortably numb. And nope... not feeling ugly anymore. I am gorgeous... fat, dimples, stretchmarks and all.