Happy World Daughters Day

Today is World Daughters Day and I feel so lucky to be alive.  I come from a country with an amazing culture, intelligent minds and beautiful people.  I love India and I am proud to be an Indian.  But no country is perfect.  Everyone has flaws and one of the biggest flaws of my India is female foeticide.  Female Foeticide is defined as aborting a foetus because it's female.  

I am appaled by the number of people who get rid of the baby when they find out that a girl child is born.  Girl or boy, every life has value.  Watching Aamir Khan's show back in May, made me realize that many people in India still consider a girl to be a burden of society.  How can a woman tell another woman... get rid of that little girl inside you, because I want a grandson so he can continue our family name.  Seriously?  Lady... if your parents had thought of the same thing, neither you or your dumbass son would've been here. 

Sex determination of a foetus is considered to be illegal due to many people aborting the child if it turns out to be a little girl.  And what is more shocking is that doctors don't give a crap as long as a big bundle of Gandhis is placed in their pockets to shut them up.  (We have Gandhi on our currency notes).  

Today I feel lucky to be alive because my parents wanted me whether I was a Farah or a Freddy.  And I want to do so much for little girls in India.  One of my biggest dreams is to open a school for little kids epecially girls.  Parents from poor families don't want to send their girls to school because they think that at the end of the day she is going to get married anyway so why waste money on teaching her.  I want to take them off the streets and put them in schools.  The ugly truth about India is that we consider it to be great but we never think about the little lives that lurk in the shadows, who want to wear that crisp, clean uniform, who want to have a load of books to carry on their shoulders instead of their baby siblings.  

I just want to ask these so called pillars of society that if you can worship an idol of a Goddess made out of stone and clay, why are you killing a life that is created in her image?  Get out of the dark ages people... you have no idea what a girl can do.  

Shake it up without makeup!

I got inspired by an article written by an old school mate of mine, Tina. And she has this fantastic idea of all of us putting up a picture sans makeup. I know it seems bizarre. I mean smite me if I go out anywhere without my trusty eye liner or gloss... sometimes I even put on some eye liner even when I'm chillin' at home.

Reading Tina's article really hit home especially the part about women justifying their reason to eat. I have so many friends who do that and what the weird part is that most of them are skinny. Me being a fat girl, I am never guilty about eating anything and I have never had any regrets for eating a little more butter.

I have friends who say things like, "After this meal, I'm hitting the gym." "Oh I forgot to eat lunch so this dinner hits the spot." Can someone please explain this concept of forgetting to eat. I know you can be busy but doesn't your stomach send signals to your brain like, "Helloooo up there. Can you please send some food down here??" (y'all are reading this in an Indian accent, aren't you? You know, the one that the rest of the world thinks we sound like but don't? lolz)

They are enjoying the meal but think about what their friend might say if they took an extra helping of chicken.

As for my fellow fat girls... you talk about being a big beautiful woman but yet you have this slight guilt in you when you eat more than a thin girl. Get real. I know that big robust body needs that amount of energy. If I could eat it I would go all Coach Beiste on a turducken! That's a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey.

Coach Shannon Beiste is the football coach in Glee played by Dot Marie Jones. She is a beautiful and awesome actress who plays an inspiring character in Glee. Even I hate it when my guy friends call me "dude"! Can you not see the breasts, boys? Must we put a neon sign pointing towards them. Not that we have to... that's one thing y'all always look at. (Especially when we walk through the frozen food aisle in supermarkets brrrr)

Now back to the makeup. When it comes to make up the only thing I like to put on is eyeliner and lip gloss... unless it's a formal do and I have to put the whole face on with foundation and rougue and eye shadow. I'm not saying I don't enjoy putting on makeup. I do love it when I add a little touch of pink on my cheeks or blue on my eyelids. Or the goth makeup that freaks my mother out! lolz

Makeup is supposed to enhance your natural beauty, not put a mask on your face to hide who you really are. Plus some of these foundations claim to be sweat proof but gawd they are sooo not. One wipe and it's gone. Only my eye shadow stays on at the end of the evening and I hardly ever re-apply anything.

My mom hardly puts on any make-up except on occasions and her skin is flawless. My grandmothers never did. My grandpa threatened to never kiss my grandma if she put on lipstick. And quite frankly girls, guys prefer women who look natural. If a guy sees you waking up in the morning looking like a squashed bug and stays... he's a keeper! (I can hear all Indian auntie-jis going... "What do you mean by keeper? Won't that be your husband waking up next to you? And why are you waking up after him? You should've been up an hour ago, made yourself presentable and made him bed tea! lolz I kid the auntie-jis!)

So why don't we all join this awesome movement Tina started and put up our pictures without makeup. First on the SheLovesMagazine page on facebook, then on your own wall (put it up as a profile pic), on Twitter and any other online community you are a part of. Just type in "Hey World! It's me, ________ (you name here). Without Makeup."

Now I'm thinking... if only I did not have that task of putting on the mask of make-up, I would've had the lady balls to go up and talk to this guy I saw a couple of weeks ago in Mumbai. Instead I was going in and out of the bathroom checking to see if my make-up was alright. Oh the guy really stumped me. I froze. But that is a story for another time. I swear I will get around to it. But here are the links.

Tina's article: http://shelovesmagazine.com/2012/tgif-are-you-there-world-its-me-tina-without-makeup/

She Loves Magazine's official website: http://shelovesmagazine.com/

Facebook link to SheLovesMagazine: http://www.facebook.com/SheLovesMagazine

And this is me without any makeup, right out of bed. :) Thanks Tina! You ROCK!

Last Year of the 20's.

So I'm turning 29 tomorrow. Am I scared? Not at all. Am I nervous? Nope. Somehow I have managed to live my life with no regrets. Yes I have had the "I should have" moments... like, "I should have studied more", "I should have eaten that last cookie", "I should have just spoken to that guy!" (Yeah we are going to discuss that last one in my next post) But have I regretted all that? Not really. Because something better always comes my way. :)

According to the Parsi calender I'm already 29 and I had a great time with my family. I got 3 cakes!! It was a cake fest for at least four days... for Mute Button and W3 at least. I am trying to stick to some of my diet. Although I did eat a nice piece of each of the cakes. Gotta taste it baby! What's the point of just having your cake and not eating it. What are you going to do by just looking at it? Frame it... so it stays with you forever??? It's a cake... it's meant to be eaten. Like Johnny Depp is meant to enter my mind as Capt. Jack Sparrow at least once a day and what I do with that mental image is my business.

I had made a list of things to do before I am 30 and one of them was to have a bikini body... by bikini body I meant be a size 5. Now I mean... "Hey they have plus size bikinis too!" But then I want to do the world a favor and not step out on the beach wearing something that will be flossing my butt.

Another is learn to play the guitar. I need to fulfill my ROCKSTAR dreams!

Learn another language. I am currently learning Italian thanks to my friend Sara. I think she has learned more Gujarati than I have learned Italian.

These are just a few of the things to do before I touch 30.

So readers.... dear readers... as I grow another year older, another inch wider/leaner, all I ask is for you to wish me all the best in achieving my dreams. It's a lot cheaper than putting Johnny Depp in his Capt. Jack costume and shipping him to Mumbai at my door step. I think W3 will probably think he's some weird baba and hit him with a stick. Also the best wishes are legal. hahaha

Love you all loads.

Bai Wars

What is the most important thing a woman needs in Mumbai? It’s not a car, it’s not a job, it’s not even a boyfriend. The most important thing to have in Mumbai is a Bai! To my non desi friends, a bai is a housekeeper/maid/lifeline/an evil overlord who knows that she rules the house. Without her life is a standstill, time just seems to stop. Then there are bais that stay 24/7 if needed and that’s the situation I am in.

I live with two bais - one is my right hand and the other is my henchman. Now I don't want to rant about the bais like an old Parsi maaiji but I say "OH MY GAAAWD!" at least 50 times a day (and not in the way I'd rather say which would involve a member of the opposite sex... are you listening/reading Johnny Depp?)

The bai has some kind of weird power over you and she knows that if you fire her, it's not going to be easy finding a replacement.

What is the weird part is that back in Dubai, we never had a stay at home bai. We have a Bangladeshi fellow who comes to clean the house twice a week and we soooo have a communication problem because all I hear from his mouth is "mashed potatoes mashed potatoes". But other than sweeping and mopping, we pretty much do everything else... wash clothes, do the dishes, dust... etc.

Somehow in Mumbai since I have two bais, I sooo don't want to even wash my coffee cup. I have a reason... don't think I'm getting lazy here. The reason is that 80% of the time they are just chillin' in front of the TV. (I don't bother watching my own TV in my own home because I don't want to disturb the bais programs... believe me... serials are like crack to them) and I want them to get off their asses and do some work!

I have seen lots of bais in my lifetime but the one I have right now... lets call her the Wicked Witch of the West or W3... is the biggest pain in the ass. Her life's mission is to meddle in all of my business, bully/boss/police me. Even my mom does not do that. And the only reason I am keeping my mouth shut is because what will I do if she leaves?? lolz

The other one... lets call her Mute Button, hardly speaks. Both the bais take care of my grandma and both are supposed to equally share the work but W3 after cooking and usual grandma duties, sits in front of the TV, remote in hand like she owns the house. And her voice... is like the love child of a loudspeaker and a home theater system had "relations" with a parrot! There is one advantage of that... it's the best alarm clock if I need to wake up early. "FARAH FARAH FARAH!"

Anyways... more on bais in another post. I might have created a butt groove in the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf couch and the waiters are looking at me like, "Go away lady." So till next time... I will bring you another experience from Mumbai - The City of bais, bhais and surnames like karhai! (Will be posting a detailed entry about Parsi surnames soon!)

Mee Mumbaikar

Welcome to the latest version of Fat Girl Follies live from Mumbai, India. Yes, it’s official. I have moved to Mumbai, hopefully permanently. I say hopefully because every day the city gives me reminders of why my parents moved to Dubai in the first place.

I had always wanted to move back here since the past couple of years now and every time I made plans to come down to Mumbai on vacation, I would tell myself that I will stay back this time. But that never happened and I would come back to Dubai/Sharjah and crib how miserable my life is.

But come September 2011, one morning at 5 am, I woke up and thought, that’s it… I’m outta here. I told mom that for me to make my move to Mumbai the first I need to do is book my flight. If a flight is booked there is no going back (well there is but cancellation charges are so not worth it lolz). So around the second week of September, my mom booked our flight for 13^th October and I broke the news to my friends.

Some reacted like I was going to die and that it was an end of an era but they were happy for me because they agreed that Mumbai is what I really needed.

The last three weeks in Dubai were crawling by so slow even snails seemed to zip past me. My last weekend there was fun because my girls threw me a surprise farewell and I told them that it’s not goodbye because I anyway have to come back every six months to keep my residence visa. Besides, even living there I was seeing them every couple of months anyway. And how far is Mumbai really? I’ve been stuck in traffic longer than the 2.5 hour flight.

Do I miss my friends? Sure I do. But it’s not that I don’t have any out here. The misfit bunch I hang out with here in Mumbai can put every college movie character to shame. And I love the fact that in such a short time they accepted me into their world.

So this post is dedicated to my friends in Mumbai. Thank you for accepting this crazy, junglee bawi.

See you on the flip side.

A New Life

Well saddle up the horses and get ready Mumbaikars because this fat girl is about to land in M-Town.

I have packed my bags and saying goodbye for now to Dubai/Sharjah and starting a new life in my favorite place in the world... Mumbai.

You know sometimes you get this feeling that life in another place will change. I think I will find a good career, find love and find myself.

The only thing I will miss is my friends and of course Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. I haven't cried and I'm not going to cry because I am happy to move on with my life. I'm not even sad because how far is Dubai really. :)

But since I couldn't say it in my own words here is a poem by E.E. Cummings, called I carry your heart with me. It pretty much sums up what I want to say to my friends.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is

your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind

can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Love you all! See you on the flip side (or whenever I get my internet connection in Mumbai)

Bodyguard

So this is a Fat Girl Follies first. I'm going to review movies over here as well and what better way to start than with a Salman Khan movie.

First let me get this out of the way... this was waaaaaaay better than Karzzzzzzz. I was bored in the first half of Bodyguard but I didn't feel like jamming a stick up my nose and make milkshake out of my brains like when I saw Karzzzzz. I'm just glad that Himmes-bhai has gone back to doing what he does best and that's making music. (Sorry makers of Karzzzz... I know you worked hard on the movie but you don't touch original movies like Karz)

In the first half of the movie I was like, "Salman darling... I adore you but I must draw the line somewhere. Ghar ke logg hai, ok you want to help out as many people as you can but pardon my French... WTF??" But somehow he managed to salvage the movie in the last 30 mins. I actually did like that fight sequence and this time it was water that took his shirt off. I wonder if in the next one, fire will burn it off. (Should I copyright this fire burning shirt idea? lolz)

And I know Lovely Singh is the Bodyguard and he's supposed to be very buff and body shody but why was he walking like he was carrying a coconut under each of his armpits? Oh well. At least I got to see what I've always wanted to see... Salman making his pecs dance.

On the whole... if you are a Salman Khan fan and want to see him prosper, go to the cinema and spend some money to see it. Otherwise wait for the DVD to come out or the channel COLORS will show it in 2-3 months.

Now I'm going into Bodyguard recovery by watching Dabangg.