Happy Fathers Day

What can I say about the cool dude, who I used to call daddy when I was 4, dad when I was a teenager and baapu during the last few years of his life. Words like honesty, simplicity, generosity, creativity are too small words to describe my dad. He taught me many things but the most important lesson was to always be happy with my life. "Khodaiji ne shukrana karine, rehvanu." (Thank God for what you have).

He had his annoying moments where he would yell at the smallest issue and make a mountain out of a mole hill. And there was no way I would show him my report card or let him come to the parent teacher meetings at school because yours truly was a terrible student. The worst was when I used to get hurt, instead of saying soothing things to calm me, he'd be like, "Why can't you watch where you're going?" That was his way of showing concern. I understand that now.

Back in his day he was a great dancer and we would dance from Jive to Bollywood. And he was hilarious. When people talk about him, they always say how funny he was and that he had such a big heart. I hope I can be half the person he was. Love you baapu. Miss you loads!

Follying after months!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Yes I know I'm late and we're almost half way through it. But hey as they say... better late than never. (Who the hell are "they"? Ever wondered that?)

So 2010 has been a tough year. Went up and down my weighing scale. I'm starting my weight loss journey from scratch again. It's a vicious cycle that puts me on and off the wagon. Everytime I'm on it, the first few days I'm all yeah lets work out, lets eat healthy, lets cut down on sweets. But then I don't know what happens. I open my mouth for all the wrong reasons and I'm back to where I started.

I'm not making any promises to anyone that, this year I will be more serious about losing weight because I don't want to see that disappointed look on their faces and that disapproving/pitying head shake.

There have been shockers and smacks in the face about the consequences if I don't lose weight. I am a ticking bomb and anything can happen anytime. Yet after a few weeks of serious workout and healthy eating, I take a dose of "fuck it all" and go back to square one. I know my life will be better when I lose weight because it will open doors to numerous opportunities but the fat girl in me is screaming, "WHY?" "Why do I have to be pretty to get a job?" "Why do I have to be skinny to get a man?" "Why does the whole world revolve around what a person looks like?" "Why the fuck do Vampires sparkle in Twilight?" (Ok everyone's asking that, I guess. hehehe).

Recent physical developments in my life have given me a few shockers. I am scared out of my mind of the big D word. No not death. It's diabetes. It's in my family from both sides (dad had it and mom's mom had it). Maybe I'm a hypochondriac because sometimes I over react to any symptoms. (I was food poisoned last year and I thought I had swine flu). I have checked online for symptoms of high blood pressure and diabetes and it all boils down to my weight because I don't have any of the other symptoms except obesity. I am shit scared to go to a doctor to do any kind of check up. Because I know if something does come up it's going to be the "I told you so" look from people. I know should not care about that but I really am shit scared of finding out if something is wrong with me.

I looked up a few cures and control of diabetes and a big one is weight loss. So here I am embarking on a new journey to lose weight. I don't know if I will fall off the wagon but I will pull myself up and start over again. I'm not starting from day after, next week or tomorrow, but today. I've said it before and you all have heard it. I ask for forgive in advance if anyone is disappointed in the coming months.

And for the first time I will reveal my weight to the world. Only a handful of people know my weight. It's no big secret really. I'm sure many people must have guessed how much I weigh already. So here it is... get ready to MOOO! As of today, 24th May, 2011 my weight is 160 kg. Let me tell you, the day I started taking weight loss really seriously back in 2009, I weighed 168.9 kgs. For a year, on and off the wagon I lost about 15kgs (without much exercise, The Xardian is a clothes rack sometimes but I still go for a spin a couple of times a week).

I started a diet two days ago, thanks to my best friend Sara who inspired me to do so. She started hers last week and I started mine on 22nd May. (I kind of wanted to eat the best food before the end of the world on the 21st lolz)

It's not bad... so far so good. I get monstrously hungry and feel like eating steak, butter and wishing that I should've eaten that Molten Chocolate Lava Cake at Chilis on Saturday. But then again... that will always be around. If I don't keep my diet in check, I might not be around to see 30.

This one is only a 2 week diet that involves little or no carbs. I get my carbs in the form of wholemeal toast and cornflakes. After the diet I will eat right for another two weeks. Indulge in a little sugar and make that canelloni. Then I want to give up meat for two weeks and one thing I want to implement in my life is to eat raw food at least once a week. That is still a long shot because I still can't stand the taste of raw vegetables. So the raw food will most probably be in the form of fruit.

So here's to another round of the Battle of the Bulge. Hope this time I can kick the fat's ass. Until next time my lovelies. I will try to be regular. :)

The Shame Stick

Ok I know it's become a monthly blog now but I promise I'm gonna try to keep up and post more. Somehow I've run out of things to say but then again... that's impossible!

I recently saw an old episode of 'According to Jim', where Jim's brother in law, Andy, eats shame sticks to get over his ex girlfriend. Urbandictionary.com describes the shame stick as, "a peice of butter on a stick rolled in sugar. Usually eaten by fat over sized depressed losers."

I have eaten when I was depressed but I haven't come to a point where I'm going to reach for a shame stick. I do like butter and sugar separetly but together, if it's not mixed with flour and chocolate chips to make cookies, I'm really not interested.

I've often wondered why people reach for food when depression sinks in. There is a satisfying comfort in digging into a pint of ice cream or polishing off a cheesecake but you can't permanently get rid of depression by pigging out. That leads to weight gain and then you're depressed again. It's a vicious cycle.

I have seen many fat people on TV talk shows saying, "I don't know how I got fat!" Um hello... you were there when you reached for that piece of fried chicken smothered in bacon and cheese in between! (WTF was KFC thinking when it came up with this?? It's a shame-wich. lol I love fried chicken, cheese and the heavenly goodness that is bacon, but this is stretching it a bit too much!)

The point is that many of us fat people make a lot of excuses about being over weight/obese.

There was a time when I would tell people a long story about how when I was younger I had menstrual problems so I went to various doctors and they gave me hundreds of pills and I bloated because of that. Sure some pills I was given did make me pile on the pounds but I said "enough!" and stopped those pills. The weight gain didn't stop. So who's at fault here? The doctors? My hormonal body? The pills? You can't blame anyone for your weight gain or loss except yourself. I'm saying loss here because there are a lot of people who are obsessed with being skinny and become anorexic. I really can't stand it when thin people think that they are fat. It not only makes you feel sorry for them... and sometimes makes you look like some giant freak. hahaha

I've mentioned this before in my previous posts when strangers ask me how I got fat, I just say, "Because I like to eat!" It shuts them up for a while but then they start preaching again. I give them their moment in the sun because I know I won't see them again. At least I hope not!

Mindspill:

Chocolate is not love. Unless it's on Johnny Depp. ;)

Missed a couple of trains?

Yes I know this has gone from a weekly to monthly blog. But just when I think I've run out of juice, something comes up and I thank God that this is not going to be another dead blog for me. Of course I have also been working on another project. I'll reveal it when I feel I'm ready to unleash that to the world. I'm in the research and development stage of the project right now. But I promise it's going to be good because I am having fun right now getting it ready for the world to see!

I was chillin' with a friend the other day and of course we ended up talking about men. We crossed a topic about "the one the got away" and yes I do have this huge regret in my life about letting that one get away. Actually it's two that got away but I care less about the other one... he was just a thought of mine that came into my head on a lazy Friday afternoon... one of those "what if" moments but before I could say anything, it was too late. But it didn't really let it get to me because I didn't like the guy that much to regret anything.

Now this other one... he was such a great guy but I never looked at him that way. I honestly was interested in someone else. But the more I got to know him, I realized that we had such great chemistry together and had so many things in common. I did get a bit scared when he dropped very subtle hints but he didn't have the balls to be upfront about it and asked me out or anything. Then I was just thinking about us as a couple and it seemed to fit and it felt right. So when I finally decided to make my move, it was too late!!!

So the lesson here children, is that please let people know you like them and want to be more than friends. What's the worse that could happen? Rejection? Believe me, the pain you feel when that one gets away is worse than having someone shove a stick up your nose, swirl it around in your head and pull your brains out through your nostrils. (So help me! I watched a re-run of NatGeo's Mummy Road Show online). Now if I like someone I just tell them. I make sure I clear the fact that this won't affect our friendship. If the person starts to behave weirdly around you after you tell them your feelings, then that's not a good friend now is it?

Which brings me to my point... just because that one got away, it does not mean you should compromise and setlle down just because you have to. A friend of mine missed "the one" and got married to a total stranger last year just to get over that guy.

Never settle for anything less in life. Even if you want to compromise, make sure the person is not a total jerk and that you actually like them.

Mindspill:

So you missed a train... wait for the next one, it might take you to a better destination!

Drop the soap you healthy person!

I know it's been a long time since I've written. I hit a wall but I'm back on track. And here I want to be a writer! Yeesh! How are my minions doing? Did y'all miss me? I'm sitting here at home on another dull and boring Saturday. Honestly, when you're unemployed, it doesn't make a difference whether it's the weekend or not. In fact I dread weekends because the day seems twice as boring.

My lovely mother has become a bit anti-social and she prefers the company of the characters on the daily soaps than mine.

Speaking of characters on soaps, especially the women... these Indian girls are so beautiful but they always have a permanent expression of depression on their face. A person can explode with so much emotional trauma and can end up in a straight jacket in a padded room singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!"

Each show starts with the problem of marrying off the girl. Seriously... we are living in the 21st century now, Indian women have a lot more on their minds than marriage. And yes... we think about SEX too! *gasp* I said the S word! Check out the population of our country people, someone's doin' it right now!!

And why aren't there more shows with fat actors? Why do all guys have to look all chiseled with six packs? The new age Ramayan that came out two years ago, had Hunuman and Shri Ram with perfect washboard abs. And the girl in the soaps... always innocent, doe eyed and delicate and yes "the vamp" is always shown slutty. Have we forgotten Phoolan Devi? She didn't need to wear an open backed sari or a giant bindi with heavy make-up to be a badass bitch! The fat actor is mostly used as a comic relief. Fat people are not always jolly. Even Santa Claus can get pissed off... especially if you yank off his beard! (I speak from personal experience hahaha)

I am so glad that we had a show like Mahi Way. It was the story of every fat girl. I hope more fat actors (guys included) will get a chance to be the main lead in a story.

Anyways... I was having a conversation with someone the other day and they kept saying the word "healthy" when talking about fat/overweight people. Now from what angel do we fat people look healthy? Seriously... we have heart palpitations, we can't run fast, we have f-ed up eating habits... how can you call that healthy? I know you don't want to offend anyone but we know you mean fat when you say healthy.

Fat people are sensitive when we are ridiculed about our weight but in a general non-offensive conversation why does it seem offensive when someone says fat? As a fat person I know and accept that I am fat, large, big, huge so why say "healthy" just to be polite? Fat people out there should not feel offended if someone calls them fat in a non-offensive way. It's a fact. Look in the mirror... that's all you... all 200 pounds of you!

The main reason fat people are sensitive because since childhood they've been ridiculed by society and by their own family and friends. Hell a friend from my meek sensitive days actually told me, "Oh Farah, what guy will like you. You're so fat!" That hurt to the core. Mostly because of the jeering tone she had used and there were other people there too. Anyway it's all gone in the past now, but just so you know dear friend... guys do like me. I don't have to rely solely on looks or keep my shop open 24/7 to land a man! So fatties... the next time someone tells you that you are fat, tell them thank you... yes I am F(antastic)A(nd)T(errific)!

Mindspill:

Looks will eventually fade but it will be the personality in your golden years that will still make you attractive!

Wanted: Parsi groom for wonderfully weird fat girl, must be breathing!

As you can see I have my blog up and running again. I hope you guys are having fun reading Fat Girl Follies because I love reading all your comments.

So the last time I mentioned matrimonial websites. I'm 27 years old and single. Happy about it! But the family, oh boy the family!!! My grandma: "My dear... come on get married. I want to be a great grandmother! I had three kids by the time I was your age!" I nod, smile and give her a kiss on the forehead. My aunts have given up because I create a ruckus if they bring up some guy for me to check out. After the last time I got a proposal through family, I was totally upset (remember I told you guys about the proposal from the much older guy a few blogs back?). So before they say anything I just tell them to drop it!!!

Now let's look at another specimen of humanity... The Aunty-ji! Now they are not related to you but are family friends or friends of friends.... of friends. You see them mostly at weddings... they will be the ones looking at you from top to bottom, see how you talk, comment on how you've grown... and by grown they are NOT talking about your height if you are a girl!! All that data is registered in their memory. Now when they go to another wedding and see a single guy, out comes the database and they think that girl from last week's wedding, is a perfect match. She then contacts both parties and then the parents talk to their children... they might not be so keen on the idea, awkwardly meet each other, talk... if they like each other, they get married and an angel gets it's wings!!! If the guy rejects the girl then there's something wrong with her. If the girl rejects the guy... oh blasphemy! And an angel is shoved into the pits of hell!!!

I know an aunty-ji and she kept telling my mom... "Oh just settle Farah... get her married!" and suggested this guy who was... a Dastur (Parsi priest)!!! My mom stopped her right there because she knows a. I really can't stand that particular aunty-ji and would never trust her choice! b. No way in hell I would marry a regularly practicing priest. Besides my mom's sister in law goes to the temple he prays at and says he's a lazy piece of ass and is a total mama's boy!

Now before anyone could continue that proposal saga... I thought I would check out a few matrimonial websites and see what's out there. I registered on two popular Indian matrimony websites looking for Parsi boys. And boy did I find some samples on that!!! Remember Mr. Vegan from the last post, who after all that ethical lecture asked me what I was wearing?

I have noticed a lot of the guys I met from those websites always asking personal questions in the first online chat. And by personal I don't mean if I've ever had a boyfriend before but personal like "will you have sex with me before our wedding night?". Seriously where do these guys come from? They're pretty good looking, they look well groomed, they wear smart clothes, their profiles are interesting and they have impressive jobs. These guys claim to be accountants, marketing managers, senior executives and this is what they ask? After Mr. Vegan I just got so disgusted, I took down both profiles.

So now I'm leaving my future to Paul the Octopus, since he so cleverly predicts the outcome of football matches.

Mindspill:

Marriages are made in heaven and by Aunty-jis and to a certain extent, Paul the Octopus!

Updated!

Greetings minions! I have updated the blog with all the Fat Girl Follies. 10 weeks and running! Wooo! hahahaha Hopefully I'll be posting once a week or whenever I feel a mindspill coming on at any time of the day! Cheers and happy reading! :) Please don't forget to comment! :)