Monday, August 22, 2011

Breaking Free

Every time I watch an episode of The Biggest Loser, I have always wondered if I was in that show, would I make it till the end of the game? Or will I be eliminated in week 1 because I let my team down by not running fast enough? Today I realized one thing… I am never going to be a size 5, 6 or even 10. Right now I think I’m a size 26 and want to come down to size 16 or 18. Hell I’ll be happy with size 20.

I’m only trying to lose weight to be healthy, to have a good heart and try not to get diabetes or arthritis. All that is hereditary, so at one point whether I am a cow or a gazelle, one of these diseases will eventually hit me when I’m much older. Why let them get me in my footloose and fancy free days?

I know being fat has lots of disadvantages. I don’t get hired because of my weight. I don’t get a man because of my weight. Hell sometimes I feel even my friends are embarrassed of me because of my weight. (yeah I know you love me)

My friends have never, ever, set me up with anyone. I don’t blame them but come on. You all know I have a fantastic if not, a decent personality, right? Hook a fat girl up with a single guy you know. Tell that chode that I am fat, tell him I am huge… but at least let him get to know me. Is a date too much to ask? I won’t eat that much to run a huge bill, you big wuss! Big deal if I’m fat. What if I was thin and had a great body but I had a huge scar running across my face? What if I had a toned body and had bucked teeth and a huge mole on my cheek? Beauty does not last forever. And trust me when I say that us fat girls will have less wrinkles when we’re 75.

This is going out to all the guys out there… give us fat girls a chance. And I’m not talking to you perverts online or you drunken pubes at the bar that want to just hook up with a fat girl but don’t want to be seen in public with her when sober.

If that fat friend of yours is a sweet girl who makes you laugh and you like being around her, ask her out. You know you want to, she probably wants you to… suck it up and take the girl out on a date. BE A MAN! (as said by Russell Peters in a Chinese accent).

I know my man is out there somewhere. There has to be one guy in this world who will take on this fat, junglee, crazy ass bawi!

But I digress.

I’m giving up these rubbish diets and extreme workouts that don’t make me lose weight but sure do make me want to lose the will to live. I’m just going to change my lifestyle. I’m going to eat my regular meals, maybe a smaller portion and just go for little walks around the neighborhood. I have tried it all and left everything in the middle and taken the “fuck-it-all” pill way too many times. I don’t want to waste any more money on diet pills, exercise equipment, weight loss teas and fat burning pants (oh yeah I got those too). I have any way stopped eating junk food mainly because I’m jobless and don’t have a lot of spare cash on me. Whenever I did, I used to order in from KFC, Hardees, Karachi Darbar (yes I know their food is floating in ghee and oil but I love their butter chicken). But now I don’t crave it so much. I crave home cooked food like dahl and rice, beef stew, noodle soup, chicken curry, roast chicken, lasagna. I just don’t like eating out so much anymore.

I cook at home a lot these days and it’s so much more satisfying than eating something from a restaurant where I can’t control the amount of salt and oil that goes in my food. I’m not making the healthiest meals but I don’t deep fry, I use fresh wholesome ingredients. The oven is my best friend. I make popcorn chicken in the oven without a single drop of oil. I’m making soups from scratch. I made my first lasagna this year. Something I thought I could never do. And it was fantastic. Better than the thing I’ve eaten all these years at restaurants that pass the meaty pasta dish as a lasagna!

My unemployment has given me only one advantage… it showed me that I can be a good cook. I think I am good enough to cook a meal for Anthony Bourdain. Ok maybe not that good… Mr. Bourdain will chew me like gum and spit me out. If Mr. Anthony Bourdain is reading this… Uncle Tony… I’m not a very good or an experienced cook like you but I would love to take you out for a fantastic Parsi meal!

So do I have to starve myself to get a point across like Anna Hazare is doing? I think not! Now… take me to a Krispy Kreme store!