Thursday, October 13, 2011

A New Life

Well saddle up the horses and get ready Mumbaikars because this fat girl is about to land in M-Town.

I have packed my bags and saying goodbye for now to Dubai/Sharjah and starting a new life in my favorite place in the world... Mumbai.

You know sometimes you get this feeling that life in another place will change. I think I will find a good career, find love and find myself.

The only thing I will miss is my friends and of course Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. I haven't cried and I'm not going to cry because I am happy to move on with my life. I'm not even sad because how far is Dubai really. :)

But since I couldn't say it in my own words here is a poem by E.E. Cummings, called I carry your heart with me. It pretty much sums up what I want to say to my friends.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is

your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind

can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)


Love you all! See you on the flip side (or whenever I get my internet connection in Mumbai)

Friday, September 2, 2011


So this is a Fat Girl Follies first. I'm going to review movies over here as well and what better way to start than with a Salman Khan movie.

First let me get this out of the way... this was waaaaaaay better than Karzzzzzzz. I was bored in the first half of Bodyguard but I didn't feel like jamming a stick up my nose and make milkshake out of my brains like when I saw Karzzzzz. I'm just glad that Himmes-bhai has gone back to doing what he does best and that's making music. (Sorry makers of Karzzzz... I know you worked hard on the movie but you don't touch original movies like Karz)

In the first half of the movie I was like, "Salman darling... I adore you but I must draw the line somewhere. Ghar ke logg hai, ok you want to help out as many people as you can but pardon my French... WTF??" But somehow he managed to salvage the movie in the last 30 mins. I actually did like that fight sequence and this time it was water that took his shirt off. I wonder if in the next one, fire will burn it off. (Should I copyright this fire burning shirt idea? lolz)

And I know Lovely Singh is the Bodyguard and he's supposed to be very buff and body shody but why was he walking like he was carrying a coconut under each of his armpits? Oh well. At least I got to see what I've always wanted to see... Salman making his pecs dance.

On the whole... if you are a Salman Khan fan and want to see him prosper, go to the cinema and spend some money to see it. Otherwise wait for the DVD to come out or the channel COLORS will show it in 2-3 months.

Now I'm going into Bodyguard recovery by watching Dabangg.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Breaking Free

Every time I watch an episode of The Biggest Loser, I have always wondered if I was in that show, would I make it till the end of the game? Or will I be eliminated in week 1 because I let my team down by not running fast enough? Today I realized one thing… I am never going to be a size 5, 6 or even 10. Right now I think I’m a size 26 and want to come down to size 16 or 18. Hell I’ll be happy with size 20.

I’m only trying to lose weight to be healthy, to have a good heart and try not to get diabetes or arthritis. All that is hereditary, so at one point whether I am a cow or a gazelle, one of these diseases will eventually hit me when I’m much older. Why let them get me in my footloose and fancy free days?

I know being fat has lots of disadvantages. I don’t get hired because of my weight. I don’t get a man because of my weight. Hell sometimes I feel even my friends are embarrassed of me because of my weight. (yeah I know you love me)

My friends have never, ever, set me up with anyone. I don’t blame them but come on. You all know I have a fantastic if not, a decent personality, right? Hook a fat girl up with a single guy you know. Tell that chode that I am fat, tell him I am huge… but at least let him get to know me. Is a date too much to ask? I won’t eat that much to run a huge bill, you big wuss! Big deal if I’m fat. What if I was thin and had a great body but I had a huge scar running across my face? What if I had a toned body and had bucked teeth and a huge mole on my cheek? Beauty does not last forever. And trust me when I say that us fat girls will have less wrinkles when we’re 75.

This is going out to all the guys out there… give us fat girls a chance. And I’m not talking to you perverts online or you drunken pubes at the bar that want to just hook up with a fat girl but don’t want to be seen in public with her when sober.

If that fat friend of yours is a sweet girl who makes you laugh and you like being around her, ask her out. You know you want to, she probably wants you to… suck it up and take the girl out on a date. BE A MAN! (as said by Russell Peters in a Chinese accent).

I know my man is out there somewhere. There has to be one guy in this world who will take on this fat, junglee, crazy ass bawi!

But I digress.

I’m giving up these rubbish diets and extreme workouts that don’t make me lose weight but sure do make me want to lose the will to live. I’m just going to change my lifestyle. I’m going to eat my regular meals, maybe a smaller portion and just go for little walks around the neighborhood. I have tried it all and left everything in the middle and taken the “fuck-it-all” pill way too many times. I don’t want to waste any more money on diet pills, exercise equipment, weight loss teas and fat burning pants (oh yeah I got those too). I have any way stopped eating junk food mainly because I’m jobless and don’t have a lot of spare cash on me. Whenever I did, I used to order in from KFC, Hardees, Karachi Darbar (yes I know their food is floating in ghee and oil but I love their butter chicken). But now I don’t crave it so much. I crave home cooked food like dahl and rice, beef stew, noodle soup, chicken curry, roast chicken, lasagna. I just don’t like eating out so much anymore.

I cook at home a lot these days and it’s so much more satisfying than eating something from a restaurant where I can’t control the amount of salt and oil that goes in my food. I’m not making the healthiest meals but I don’t deep fry, I use fresh wholesome ingredients. The oven is my best friend. I make popcorn chicken in the oven without a single drop of oil. I’m making soups from scratch. I made my first lasagna this year. Something I thought I could never do. And it was fantastic. Better than the thing I’ve eaten all these years at restaurants that pass the meaty pasta dish as a lasagna!

My unemployment has given me only one advantage… it showed me that I can be a good cook. I think I am good enough to cook a meal for Anthony Bourdain. Ok maybe not that good… Mr. Bourdain will chew me like gum and spit me out. If Mr. Anthony Bourdain is reading this… Uncle Tony… I’m not a very good or an experienced cook like you but I would love to take you out for a fantastic Parsi meal!

So do I have to starve myself to get a point across like Anna Hazare is doing? I think not! Now… take me to a Krispy Kreme store!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Welcome Friday Editor

Greetings my lovely readers, (that would be an echo). This blog post is exclusive for the editor of Friday Magazine but the rest of you all can read it too. Perhaps leave some comments to convince the editor.

Dear Friday Editor,

I came across the advertisement for a freelance writer for your lovely magazine in Gulf News dated 26th July 2011. It was a warm, if not, really hot Tuesday afternoon as I was perusing the appointments section looking for a job. You see I have been unemployed since 2008 and have been looking for a writing opportunity like this to come my way.

The reason it took so long to send you my resume is because the samples of my work (all three of them) were filed under "Someday I'll be a writer... someday!" and I had not touched that section of my dreams for a very long time. So my experience in the press might be minimum but the dream to be a writer made me start this blog. Yes at first it was all about me and my weight issues but I think I am more than a fat girl, craving Krispy Kreme Doughnuts with a mouth to talk the ears off a parrot.

So dear Friday Editor, if you believe that I have the talent to work with your glossy magazine with it's amazing writers and photographers, please give me a chance to step down as the president of The Unemployment Club and join the real world again before I succumb to a secretarial job that might pay me a decent salary but like they say, if your job is what you love, then work becomes play.

With the best regards and sincerity,
Farah Sam Mistry

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Fathers Day

What can I say about the cool dude, who I used to call daddy when I was 4, dad when I was a teenager and baapu during the last few years of his life. Words like honesty, simplicity, generosity, creativity are too small words to describe my dad. He taught me many things but the most important lesson was to always be happy with my life. "Khodaiji ne shukrana karine, rehvanu." (Thank God for what you have).

He had his annoying moments where he would yell at the smallest issue and make a mountain out of a mole hill. And there was no way I would show him my report card or let him come to the parent teacher meetings at school because yours truly was a terrible student. The worst was when I used to get hurt, instead of saying soothing things to calm me, he'd be like, "Why can't you watch where you're going?" That was his way of showing concern. I understand that now.

Back in his day he was a great dancer and we would dance from Jive to Bollywood. And he was hilarious. When people talk about him, they always say how funny he was and that he had such a big heart. I hope I can be half the person he was. Love you baapu. Miss you loads!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Follying after months!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Yes I know I'm late and we're almost half way through it. But hey as they say... better late than never. (Who the hell are "they"? Ever wondered that?)

So 2010 has been a tough year. Went up and down my weighing scale. I'm starting my weight loss journey from scratch again. It's a vicious cycle that puts me on and off the wagon. Everytime I'm on it, the first few days I'm all yeah lets work out, lets eat healthy, lets cut down on sweets. But then I don't know what happens. I open my mouth for all the wrong reasons and I'm back to where I started.

I'm not making any promises to anyone that, this year I will be more serious about losing weight because I don't want to see that disappointed look on their faces and that disapproving/pitying head shake.

There have been shockers and smacks in the face about the consequences if I don't lose weight. I am a ticking bomb and anything can happen anytime. Yet after a few weeks of serious workout and healthy eating, I take a dose of "fuck it all" and go back to square one. I know my life will be better when I lose weight because it will open doors to numerous opportunities but the fat girl in me is screaming, "WHY?" "Why do I have to be pretty to get a job?" "Why do I have to be skinny to get a man?" "Why does the whole world revolve around what a person looks like?" "Why the fuck do Vampires sparkle in Twilight?" (Ok everyone's asking that, I guess. hehehe).

Recent physical developments in my life have given me a few shockers. I am scared out of my mind of the big D word. No not death. It's diabetes. It's in my family from both sides (dad had it and mom's mom had it). Maybe I'm a hypochondriac because sometimes I over react to any symptoms. (I was food poisoned last year and I thought I had swine flu). I have checked online for symptoms of high blood pressure and diabetes and it all boils down to my weight because I don't have any of the other symptoms except obesity. I am shit scared to go to a doctor to do any kind of check up. Because I know if something does come up it's going to be the "I told you so" look from people. I know should not care about that but I really am shit scared of finding out if something is wrong with me.

I looked up a few cures and control of diabetes and a big one is weight loss. So here I am embarking on a new journey to lose weight. I don't know if I will fall off the wagon but I will pull myself up and start over again. I'm not starting from day after, next week or tomorrow, but today. I've said it before and you all have heard it. I ask for forgive in advance if anyone is disappointed in the coming months.

And for the first time I will reveal my weight to the world. Only a handful of people know my weight. It's no big secret really. I'm sure many people must have guessed how much I weigh already. So here it is... get ready to MOOO! As of today, 24th May, 2011 my weight is 160 kg. Let me tell you, the day I started taking weight loss really seriously back in 2009, I weighed 168.9 kgs. For a year, on and off the wagon I lost about 15kgs (without much exercise, The Xardian is a clothes rack sometimes but I still go for a spin a couple of times a week).

I started a diet two days ago, thanks to my best friend Sara who inspired me to do so. She started hers last week and I started mine on 22nd May. (I kind of wanted to eat the best food before the end of the world on the 21st lolz)

It's not bad... so far so good. I get monstrously hungry and feel like eating steak, butter and wishing that I should've eaten that Molten Chocolate Lava Cake at Chilis on Saturday. But then again... that will always be around. If I don't keep my diet in check, I might not be around to see 30.

This one is only a 2 week diet that involves little or no carbs. I get my carbs in the form of wholemeal toast and cornflakes. After the diet I will eat right for another two weeks. Indulge in a little sugar and make that canelloni. Then I want to give up meat for two weeks and one thing I want to implement in my life is to eat raw food at least once a week. That is still a long shot because I still can't stand the taste of raw vegetables. So the raw food will most probably be in the form of fruit.

So here's to another round of the Battle of the Bulge. Hope this time I can kick the fat's ass. Until next time my lovelies. I will try to be regular. :)