Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Nothing like a bucket of blues to get you writing again, eh? And here I want to be a comedy writer.

She took three deep breaths, wiped off her tears and calmed herself. Her brain told her heart, “I told you so.” Her bruised heart lay there in her chest cavity, beating with sadness, beating with relief, beating with the strength to move on. The heart sat up, brushed off the sadness, put on a brave face, smiled and told the brain, “I am stronger than you think. It’s not the end of the world. Go learn some new facts about an ancient civilization.”

Sometimes when you are high on life and are having the best trip you’ve ever had, you get some information that will kill your buzz. I was feeling like I was at the top of the world and the universe just flicked me off and I fell at the bottom of a barrel… not just any barrel… a barrel that is used to store fish bait… the really stinky kind.

I am not going to go into details about what happened but it knocked the wind out of me. I suppose I was in denial when I heard of it the first time because I sure feel stupid right now.  I know in a few months I’ll be laughing and joking about it but I needed my reaction. I needed to curse the universe. I needed to pity myself. I needed to feel like a loser. I needed to vent. So I did. I even felt ugly (which didn’t make any sense)

So now a couple of hours later, I am sad but I will be ok. I am happy to get that information and glad that it’s out there before I did something that I would regret. I had my reaction. I waved around my middle finger to the universe. And I apologized to the universe as well. Things will get better. I will start climbing so I can be at the top of the world again. For now, I just want to be comfortably numb. And nope... not feeling ugly anymore. I am gorgeous... fat, dimples, stretchmarks and all. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

It's a Wonderful Life!

Hey everyone. How are y'all? I know it's been a while since I've updated. Sorry... been having a bit of a writer's block. I really need to get out of this funk. My life seems to be in a rut. I'm 30 years old, I'm unemployed and I'm single. Next step... crazy cat lady. haha No... that will never happen! (I still love my friends who are crazy cat ladies though hehe)

Anyway... last week I saw this old movie called, "It's a Wonderful Life" for the first time. And at the last scene I just broke down and cried like a baby. It was not a sad ending. It was so happy, that I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears of joy just rolled down my face. 

The past 12 months have been a bit rough on me. I got screwed over by potential employers, some friends showed their true colors, I literally lost a part of my ceiling and floor at my family home in Mumbai, and financially it was rough as well. And well the love life was non existent. Just the usual pervs who wanted to be with me but not be seen with me. I want to be someone's reality NOT a fetish fantasy. Lets just say I dodged a huge bullet. 

I was sooo down in the dumps that my 30th birthday didn't feel special enough. (It was awesome and I loved all of it. But um... y'all forgot the cake. I love cake... please for the love of Dumbledore... don't forget it the next time) 

I was even having countless arguments with my best friend. In the end, we both realized that in a healthy relationship, there are fights, arguments, resentments and momentary lapse of judgement. But after all of that mess, our bond is stronger than ever. We'd marry each other if we didn't like men so much. 

My friends mean the world to me. Even when they royally fuck up, I always see the best in them and be there for them. These friends of mine... the good, the bad and the ugly, have been there for me, listening to me bitch about everything and asking why me and why not me and when will life change and why am I such a failure? 

Even the ones who have screwed me over, have come through on many occasions, lifting my spirits by encouraging me and giving me the strength to move on. The best thing anyone can say to me is, "You made my day!" Somehow I just love to lift people's spirits and see them smile. 

So I might not have a lot of money, not the body that is accepted by the world (I am still sexy no matter what people say), don't have a job... I still have what keeps me going and that is a wealth of friends. The old and the new and I have met some really nice people recently. They make me feel like a winner when I feel like a loser. They make me feel like Cinderella when I feel like the ugly step sister. And some give me the harsh truth about the world that I absolutely respect them for. 

'It's a Wonderful Life' made me realize what I already knew and had. It's an amazing movie and should be on your watch list. You will feel so amazing after watching it. Lets watch it together sometime and please bring tissues and ladies please don't wear any eye make-up unless you want to look like Alice Cooper. 

Mindspill: It's this picture below from "It's a Wonderful Life"