Wednesday, August 20, 2014

15 Things “Big Girls” are tired of hearing

I came across this hilarious article on a Facebook group called Voluptuous Vixens. It makes so much sense and yes we are so tired of hearing all those stupid stereotypical comments from family, friends and even strangers. The link to the article is at the bottom of this post. But here are my two cents on the 15 points. There are really 14 so I added point 15.
1.    “You’re not fat”: Yes I am. I have a big belly, chunky butt, huge tatas, fat arms, thick thighs and chubby calves (I have also been told I have delicious shoulders *giggles*) Fat is not a bad word that I find offensive. Calling me a fat bitch on the other hand…
2.    “I know you’re hungry”: Because if I don’t get fed every hour I turn violent and will eat puppies. Is that it??

3.    “Are you pregnant?”: Yes. It’s my 18th month. *rolls eyes* Even skinny women with a little belly should never be asked that.

4.    “You have a pretty face”: Oh I have heard this so many times and it’s always followed by, “If only you would lose some weight you would look so beautiful”. Um eff you… but I think I am beautiful no matter what you or society says.

5.    “I just can’t gain weight”: Why do skinny chicks think that big girls are some expert on weight gain? Here’s some unsolicited advice… eat bacon. It’s annoying right? We feel the same way when you say, “Eat a salad”.

6.    “Just don’t eat so much”: Why is being fat always related to food? There is genetics, polycystic ovaries, side effects of medication being three reasons that make people gain weight. I have seen skinny people eat so much and not put on any weight. It’s called metabolism.

7.    “How did you let yourself get that big?”: It’s the same as asking, “Why are you so fat?” My response has always been, “Because I like to eat”. I also like the answer that was given in the article.

8.    “You should exercise”: Really? What is that runny, jumpy thing I do then?

9.     “Sure you want to eat that?”: Oh I give a big eff you to those people. So many times I have not eaten dessert because the food police thought a piece of cake would immediately increase their weight because they will also be tempted to eat it. Yeah… eff you. I’m gonna eat that piece of cake and no I won’t run like a mad person on the treadmill the next day to shed it off.

10.  “Have you tried this diet?”: Yes I have. And no I don’t like the taste of lettuce that’s why I don’t eat it. I eat a well balanced meal that has all the nutrients I need.

11. “Men only use fat women”: I think men use all kinds of women. Fat, thin, short, tall, bald, hairy, old, young… they want us all. They even want lesbians. Yes, there are some freaks out there who are ashamed to be seen in public with a fat woman and just use her in the bedroom. Those are called assholes.

12. “I have someone I want you to meet”: And it’s always a fat guy. I did date a fat guy and sure we looked good together because he was handsome and I’m effing gorgeous. But fat boy wanted me to lose weight so he could show the world that he had a beautiful partner. He also said it would be “for my own good” and that my “health will be better”. So I told him that if I do it, he has to do it too. And he thought he was perfect the way he was *rolls eyes* Mr. Personality he was not. Honestly, I like skinny guys. Do not judge me! You would not judge a skinny woman if she made that statement. Just like some people like blondes and some like brunettes, I just happen to like skinny guys. It’s a preference. Not that I don’t find fat or muscular guys attractive but they are not my type. My last couples of crushes have all been skinny and dorky. Hey… maybe I like dorks.

13. “You’re not healthy”: And just what is your definition of health? People say my weight will lead to all sorts of diseases… it might if I ate fried and sugary food every day and did not move my ass around. Well guess what? Skinny people also get diabetes. Skinny people also get heart disease. Skinny people are also unhealthy. So get off your high horse and respect heath at every size.

14. “Hey “Big Girl!””: I have no problem if you call me that. Don’t add the word “bitch” after “big”.

15. “Why don’t you get a weight loss surgery?”: I don’t judge people who get it done but it’s not for me. People have suggested me to do a gastric bypass only by looking at my outer appearance. I even considered it. But after I did a full research about the surgery and the side effects I decided not to get it done because it’s not worth it. 

Monday, June 30, 2014

365 Days of You

365 Days of You

Our paths collided in a place I had not been in a long time
Our eyes met while doing the most mundane task
Fate pushed me to be by your side
Your voice was so soothing, I was immediately at peace
Your touch was so gentle, I didn’t want to let go
Our thoughts were meshing into a beautiful friendship
Your sadness pierced my heart as my own
You got rid of my sadness with encouraging words
You saw the winner in me when I felt like the biggest loser
In a room full of beautiful people, you made this clown feel like a princess
Everyone is a blurry shape as you enter a room
Every sound is white noise when you speak
Even your silhouette puts a smile on my face
When you smile, I feel like the whole world is smiling at me
I don’t know what your feelings are towards me, but I am sure about mine
Your friendship means the world to me, so I keep my feelings locked inside my heart
The love you have for me, might not be the same I have for you
But I will carry it with me for the rest of my life

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Spring has sprung and so have I

2013 was an eye opening year for me. At the end of the year, I was in a relationship. Why I was in it, I still don't know. Was I lonely? Did I think it's time for me to settle down and start a family life because I was already 30 and single? Was it because I thought I don't have anything else going on in my life? Was it just convenient to give up on a career I thought I would never have and settle down with a man who would provide for me and life would be easy? Was it because he was the first guy ever who asked me to marry him and scared I will never find anyone else?

The answer to that is all of the above. At the end of last year I was feeling very low. I was (still am) unemployed, I was single, I was not going out so much and I was not writing much. And then a man came into my life. From the first date I knew he was not for me. Even though we had a lot to talk about and we gelled together, I didn't see it happening for a lot of reasons. Now he was perfect when it came to my family, especially my mom... he was educated, well off, polite, nice, same religion (which was a huge plus point)... only on paper he was the perfect marriage material.

I decided to remain friends with him and that's it. But I loved the attention and the fact that a nice guy like him actually wanted me, made me want to give him a shot. Of course I was a little vulnerable when I decided that. But I thought hell I deserve to be treated like someone's lady.

One week into the relationship, we decided to get married. I wouldn't say I agreed with it but I went along with it. There were things I wanted to do before I got into the whole marriage and family life. But that nagging feeling in me made me want to be in this relationship because I thought no other man has wanted me and he does. And all around me everyone was getting married and having babies... and for a very long time I thought I wanted that. 

But after being in a relationship with someone who wanted me to change to suit his life, my whole outlook on marriage has changed. Do I really have to stop being myself to be in a relationship? I compromised on everything. Even stopped writing because I didn't really have time to myself because I was busy being the woman he wanted. I might not post much but I do write. I lost myself somewhere. My confidence was shot down. My self esteem was low. My spirit was shattered. The attitude about me and my body that had taken 29 years to develop had changed. I felt ugly! And I was going with the flow trying to make the relationship work. Sure he was a good provider but money can't buy everything. If I wanted to be with him for the money, what does that make me??? 

I do not want to bad mouth the guy because I have done enough of that and now I feel nothing for him. I don't even hate him. I feel nothing. And I realized that right now and I am glad to feel that I am completely over it. I was over him a long time ago. Yes, it was nice to have a man in my life but not someone who could not accept me the way I am. I might have said "I love you" but I don't think I ever meant it. And I apologize for that. Sometimes I wonder why I went against everything I believe in and decided to get married to this guy? But then a friend of mine told me, "We live in a place that is so fast paced that we look for something to hold on to as long as we can." I held on to for a month. I know it looks bad but it was going too fast and we both wanted different things. He wanted a wife and family. And I still don't know what I want but I know I don't want to settle down just yet. Besides settling down does not mean getting married and popping out kids. 

I don't have anything going on in my life right now. No job, no career, no money, nothing. I am the black sheep of the family who is 31 years old, still living with my mother, who I can't support financially. I am that unemployed, loser friend who can't afford more than two drinks at a bar or even travel often by cab to go meet friends or does not have any good holiday stories because I have never been on a real vacation. I am that girl who guys consider a great friend but will somehow start being awkward the moment they find out that I might have feelings for them.  

I refuse to be that girl any more. Sometimes I feel like going up to that guy friend of mine and asking him why he went all awkward on me when he found out I liked him. Is it that bad that a fat girl likes you?? I don't care about being the black sheep of the family but I damn to hell don't want them to think I can't handle tough situations. And yes I want to travel and live in different parts of the world. I want to live my life on my terms bending the rules only for people who are worth it. 

It took me a while to regain that confidence and I feel I have learned a very good lesson. First instincts are usually always right and I will never doubt them again. I have become stronger person after this and I refuse to look back. 

Mindspill: Listen to your gut... it's not always asking for food.