Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Where are my flowers?

I'm 33 years old... I have been in one semi-serious relationship that was leading to marriage and then a string of dates here and there (mostly on Tinder and the guys say bye bye if the result of said date does not come to sex. I do say good riddance to that). 

I have never been wooed by a guy. Never been given flowers or a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day. Is it because most men think fat girls are easy and that they should be grateful for any kind of attention they get so why bother with the whole wooing and dating? Lets just shut her pie hole with some food and get down to business. The so called "Business" is all very good but when the clothes come back on, there is a void and a string of lingering questions, "Am I really easy? Am I really not worth the effort or wait?"

Does my size really matter when it comes to romance? I know it shouldn't but seriously where are my flowers? Where is my candle light dinner? Where is my surprise weekend getaway? Where are my love letters? 

For a moment I decided to behave like a complete asshole (well like a man really haha) and adopt the "catch and release" policy when it came to dating and romance. But that's not me... I want to be wooed. I deserve to be wooed. I deserve those flowers. I deserve my hand to be held in public. I deserved to be kissed in public. 

I have never been on that side and I so want to be. I would love a good solid relationship with a man who knows what he's doing in life and not depend on a woman to pay his coffee/dinner bills. I have been that person and thought of well at least it's a date. (Not that I want a man to pay my bills... I believe in going dutch unless it's an invitation).

Besides being a curvy goddess, I am a strong, independent woman and it's a chore when you have to be your own Knight in shinning armor... more like Knight in white satin (you see what I did there Moody Blues fans? hehehe) Do guys fall for the damsel in distress because they feel more manly? Do I need to be one of those women who need to "have a man around to do the manly jobs"? I can open my own jar of pickles and swing a hammer when I have to. 

Most of the fat/overweight women I have come across have been strong and independent 
and have never been the damsel in distress because no one has given us that chance to be vulnerable. I even question if a guy shows genuine interest because I have been on the receiving end of a cruel "I really really like you" joke by a guy when I was very very young. Plus there are people who will always say shit like "How did she end up with him? He's so hot! He deserves better!" Honestly, I don't care about them but would he? Would he actually think that he deserves a prettier woman? Because I have been out on a date where a guy actually was staring at other women. Do we fat and independent women really deserve these jerks instead of flowers?

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