Saturday, July 10, 2010

Wanted: Parsi groom for wonderfully weird fat girl, must be breathing!

As you can see I have my blog up and running again. I hope you guys are having fun reading Fat Girl Follies because I love reading all your comments.

So the last time I mentioned matrimonial websites. I'm 27 years old and single. Happy about it! But the family, oh boy the family!!! My grandma: "My dear... come on get married. I want to be a great grandmother! I had three kids by the time I was your age!" I nod, smile and give her a kiss on the forehead. My aunts have given up because I create a ruckus if they bring up some guy for me to check out. After the last time I got a proposal through family, I was totally upset (remember I told you guys about the proposal from the much older guy a few blogs back?). So before they say anything I just tell them to drop it!!!

Now let's look at another specimen of humanity... The Aunty-ji! Now they are not related to you but are family friends or friends of friends.... of friends. You see them mostly at weddings... they will be the ones looking at you from top to bottom, see how you talk, comment on how you've grown... and by grown they are NOT talking about your height if you are a girl!! All that data is registered in their memory. Now when they go to another wedding and see a single guy, out comes the database and they think that girl from last week's wedding, is a perfect match. She then contacts both parties and then the parents talk to their children... they might not be so keen on the idea, awkwardly meet each other, talk... if they like each other, they get married and an angel gets it's wings!!! If the guy rejects the girl then there's something wrong with her. If the girl rejects the guy... oh blasphemy! And an angel is shoved into the pits of hell!!!

I know an aunty-ji and she kept telling my mom... "Oh just settle Farah... get her married!" and suggested this guy who was... a Dastur (Parsi priest)!!! My mom stopped her right there because she knows a. I really can't stand that particular aunty-ji and would never trust her choice! b. No way in hell I would marry a regularly practicing priest. Besides my mom's sister in law goes to the temple he prays at and says he's a lazy piece of ass and is a total mama's boy!

Now before anyone could continue that proposal saga... I thought I would check out a few matrimonial websites and see what's out there. I registered on two popular Indian matrimony websites looking for Parsi boys. And boy did I find some samples on that!!! Remember Mr. Vegan from the last post, who after all that ethical lecture asked me what I was wearing?

I have noticed a lot of the guys I met from those websites always asking personal questions in the first online chat. And by personal I don't mean if I've ever had a boyfriend before but personal like "will you have sex with me before our wedding night?". Seriously where do these guys come from? They're pretty good looking, they look well groomed, they wear smart clothes, their profiles are interesting and they have impressive jobs. These guys claim to be accountants, marketing managers, senior executives and this is what they ask? After Mr. Vegan I just got so disgusted, I took down both profiles.

So now I'm leaving my future to Paul the Octopus, since he so cleverly predicts the outcome of football matches.


Marriages are made in heaven and by Aunty-jis and to a certain extent, Paul the Octopus!


mukta said...

Awesome should soooo totally be a professional writer..I love d way you write gurl...

Savage_beauty said...

Nice one Farah... I can so see this becoming a book and then a movie... i just feel it..... It honestly is such a pleasure to read yo
ur stuff and i am not just saying it!

ARCH said...

Remember that no matter whether a guy is vegan or not at the end of the day he is still a GUY, Farah! 90% of these dating websites only have guys looking for a good time, nothing more. That's why they are so successful. If everyone on there was actually hooking up with mister right or miss right then they wouldn't have any repeat customers and would surely go out of business. Think about it. Nice piece on the vegans by the way sorry I didn't comment but there was just too much to say...
love ya.

Jean "Annah" Jacob said...

So glad FGF has a permanent home and url. :)

As for matrimonial websites - I must admit I think they're about as successful as any other means of bumping into your future partner.

The only difference being that the ones on there are supposedly the ones ready to commit - so you're not left wondering 3 years on if he's gonna pop the question! :)

Sure you're gonna run into a bunch of sleeze-bags every now and then but just remember to be the bigger person (no pun intended) and post their profile pic and pervy comments on FB for everyone to see. Hahaha. Just kiddin'!

Love & Hugs,

Jaynne said...

way to start my week :-) awesome piece babes :-*

max said...

I am young, 29 yr old male, living in bombay and i really like the way you write. I am smart, average looking, articulate and am into I.T services.
I am currently in a relationship with your best friend and we dont mind having a third partner (gonna be a suprise for her).
I also love food, the same as you. I am usually well built but these days have put on a few pounds....i know..i know...and am planning to loose some with your help in a healthy activity. I realised that paul the octopus predicted the wrong box for the question "if you are gonna get some".
Now being a gentleman, i do not ask sexual questions DIRECTLY on the first date....(its usually on the 3rd) but i would love to ask you "Would u like to do frandshep with me ?"
I am eagerly awaiting your reply, my dear dhansak :P

Farrie said...

Kaan meri Jaan aka Max! You big bachaa galoop!!! You freaked me out for a second! I was like "Oh no! Not another weirdo and he wants to do what?" hahaha And darling... we have a very good "frandshep" already! :) No doubt about that! Besides my best friend will not be all that surprised! haha

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